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There is no ‘one perfect life’ out there waiting to be lived. What there is are a series of moments, each one complete and perfect in and of itself no matter if it contains joy and wonder or sadness and sorrow; each one lived fully and completely and in total awareness. That is the definition of a perfect life, and that is the life that I am living.” ~SSHenry
I don’t know about you, but there are definitely days when I feel as if I am spinning my wheels. I’m not just talking about not being able to get anything done (though that may be a symptom of the larger issue). What I’m talking about is the feeling that there is something I should be doing in order to bring the life that I was meant to live into my reality besides just visualizing the life that I want to have.
Oh come on, don’t tell me that you haven’t considered how your life could be better! Most everyone has a picture in their heads; a picture of the ‘perfect life,’ the one they would be living if only things were just a little different.
When I close my eyes and focus I can actually see that life. I can see the house that would perfectly suit me. I can walk around and touch the things I’d have in it. I can see the people that I would be sharing my life with. I can laugh at the conversations and the experiences and the humor that fill our days. I see myself in a position of being able to make the world a better place through my words and my example and the feeling of knowing that I am living my life to the fullest. I can feel the peace that is in my heart and the love that weaves itself through every moment of this life like a bright and glittering gold thread unobstructed and unimpeded and stretching off into an infinity of tomorrows.
I’ll be honest. The picture of that perfect life is seductive. It calls to me at the oddest times; tangling me in a lover’s embrace; whispering words of undying devotion in my ear. It is what I want most; my heart’s desire; and there are days when my heart cries at the thought of having to do without it for even one more minute and when I look around at the life I have and see just how far from perfect it is.
I told this to a friend of mine once, and they said “okay, so now you know what you want, so go out and GET it! Make it happen!” And I tried to explain it to them – at the time I failed miserably. Maybe I’ll do better with the explanation today.
You see, while my heart has set its goals; while it knows where it belongs and what sort of a life it would best be suited to, there are still aspects of my reality that I have to deal with right here and now due to decisions that I made yesterday (or years ago) that were not in alignment with that vision for my perfect life. Those decisions have created situations and have brought people and circumstances into my life that may not be part of that picture of perfection, but they cannot simply be tossed aside either.
Yes, there are some people, who would drop everything to pursue their heart’s desire; who would drop all of their responsibilities and obligations to pursue that perfect but elusive life. But that is not something I can do. Not yet. You see if I did that; if I dropped everything and went out looking for it; once I found my ‘perfect life’, it wouldn’t be perfect any more due to all of the pain and drama I had to go through and that I put other people through in order to get there.
What I can do is to stop being something that I am not. I choose to be exactly who and what I am at every moment of every day.
This is perhaps one of the hardest things to do; ever.
Go ahead, try it. Close your eyes and picture that perfect life. Feel the love and the joy that course through you when you imagine yourself immersed in that life; the places, the people, the experiences that fill you up. Imagine how you respond to the people and things around you. Now open your eyes and take a good hard look at the life you are living. My guess is that most of it doesn’t match up at all.
Now, instead of moping about what you don’t have in your life; about what you are missing, instead of sighing and saying “I’ll just have to wait for heaven,” there is, as I said, just one thing that you can do to change it right here and now; one thing that you can do to bring that life that you were meant to live into existence and that is to change the one thing that you do have control over; yourself.
How? That’s easy. Stop trying to be something that you are not.
You’ve seen who you really are; that person that occupies that perfect life. You’ve felt how passionate and enthusiastic they are about life. You’ve experienced (if only in your heart and mind) the fullness and richness of the life that they lead. Now stop pretending that you are not capable of living that kind of a life right here and now and start making the kinds of decisions and taking the kinds of actions that they would take in the same situation; actions and decisions that would support and encourage that perfect life and not a continuation of the life that you are currently living with all of its drama and angst.
It’s really not as difficult as you may think. Actually, it only requires one thing; Attention.
Start paying attention to yourself; to your thoughts; to the beliefs that you incorporate into your life as a result of those thoughts, of the decisions that you make because of the beliefs that you hold and the actions that you take as a result of those decisions. Are these the thoughts and beliefs and decisions and actions of the person in your perfect life? Is this how your higher self would act in this situation? Is this a belief that would support that life that your heart yearns for? Is that a decision or an action that the person living that perfect life would make?
If yes, then go ahead; entertain the thought, accept the belief; make the decision and take the action. If no, then slam on the breaks. Do a 360 if need be and choose something entirely different.
Yes, you may get some astonished looks and some frustrated people who expected you to behave in the same way that you always have. But remember, this isn’t about them. This isn’t about fitting into their expectations or about maintaining the guise of you as the person they always thought you were. This is about being exactly who and what you are in order to manifest your perfect life.
It will not be an overnight transformation. Most of us (myself included) have far too much baggage stored up to be able to simply change things overnight. It is going to take time; time and infinite patience and the ability to see that baggage drop to the side of the road and not do the instinctive thing and pick it back up again but to let it go.
As you become more and more yourself you are going to lose things. You will lose the respect of individuals that you thought were your friends (but who obviously aren’t). You will lose influence with people who liked the fake you; that persona that you cultivated and who find your authentic self to be absurd or irresponsible. You may even find that relationships with people close to you crumbling because you are no longer living up to their expectations.
But remember, it is all a part of the process. And in truth, when it comes right down to it, it’s all about the process – all of it. Because even though your heart feels the pull of that perfect life, even once you find it, it is not something you simply have. It is something that you do; something that you are; something that you continue to be, voluntarily, on a day to day basis.
Yes, there are days when I become impatient; when I think that the life I was meant to live will never become a reality. Then I have to laugh, because I am LIVING the life I was meant to live. Each moment – including the impatient ones – is part of the process.
Each desire for something more; each longing, each yearning that spurs me on to thoughts and beliefs and decisions and actions that lead to change to bring those things into my life, each new person and experience that brings me another moment (or series of moments) to savor- it’s all a part of the life I was meant to live; the life I AM living. There is no ‘one perfect life’ out there waiting to be lived. What there is are a series of moments, each one complete and perfect in and of itself no matter if it contains joy and wonder or sadness and sorrow; each one lived fully and completely and in total awareness. THAT is the definition of a perfect life, and THAT is the life that I am living.